TODAY is set to be the least diabolical Hallowe’en since records began as the majority of ghosts, ghouls, witches and zombies have decided to stay in and watch the X Factor results show.
31st October, All Hallows Eve, is traditionally the day when the dead come back to walk the Earth. However this year all signs are pointing to a very low supernatural turnout, as the creatures of your nightmares stay at home to see who gets booted off the X Factor.
Lady Catherine Berkshire, a Victorian ghost said: “Tonight is the only night we can wander the Earth again, but the X Factor is just so good this year we must stay in and watch it.”
Samuel the smith, a peasant who died during the black death in the fourteenth century said: “I didn’t catch last week’s results show, but before I got the chance to see it on catch-up, bloody Princess Diana text me saying that John Adeleye got voted off.
“What a bitch.”
It had initially been assumed that the dead would come to haunt the Earth once the X Factor finishes at 9 o’clock, however a large number of ghosts have already confirmed they will also be staying in to watch the Xtra Factor on ITV2 afterwards.
Abigail Sludge, a witch who lives in a cave in Northumbria said: “Me and some friends are going to get together in the early evening, with a few bottles of Blossom Hill and make a night of it. We’ll be drunk by the time the X Factor actually starts and then chat over the whole thing and not pay attention and annoy the shit out of any warlocks that are actually trying to watch it.
“I want Mary to go, her bingo wings are making me sick.”