Home Office warns of terrorist attack on Cheryl Cole

1 Oct
Police Cheryl Cole

Police neutralise a suspected terrorist overheard saying national treasure Cheryl Cole is "a talentless bitch"

BRITAIN was put on high alert last night as the Home Secretary said a terrorist attack on Cheryl Cole was “highly likely.”

The warning came as Home Secretary Theresa May announced the Cheryl Cole terrorism threat level was raised to “canny bad”, the second highest level.

She said: “This means that a terrorist attack on our most precious national treasure is highly likely. But I stress there is no intelligence to suggest that an attack is imminent. We’re just trying to scare you shitless about it.”

She asked members of the public to be vigilant and if they notice any suspicious behaviour or anti-Cheryl conversations, to call the National terrorism helpline and that preemptive vigilante attacks were permissible.

The decision to raise the threat level was made by the Cheryl Cole Terrorism Analysis Centre — made up of intelligence and police chiefs, and Heat magazine readers.

The Cheryl Cole terrorism threat level has remained high following the tragic terrorist attack on Leona Lewis during a book signing in October 2009.

Sally Corden, an expert on terrorism from the University of Central London said: “The threat level of an attack against Cheryl Cole peaks around the times she releases one of her god-awful songs and during the period of September – December each year.”

The news comes ahead of a planned book signing by Cole at Waterstones in London’s Piccadilly with security expected to be tighter than the skin on Dannii Minogue’s face.

Commenting on media speculation about the nature of a potential attack, the Home Secretary said: “We do not have any precise details about the form an attack may take, however we believe these groups may be planning to boo, heckle, or generally hurt Cheryl’s feelings.

“The sick bastards.”

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: