Chancellor George Osborne to appear in Cash in the Attic

25 Oct
George Osborne Cash in the Attic

George Osborne (bottom left) with the Cash in the Attic team

CHANCELLOR of the Exchequer George Osborne is set to appear in a special edition of BBC daytime show Cash in the Attic in which he will auction off some of Britain’s unwanted possessions to help reduce the country’s deficit.

The  usual format of the housewives’ favourite show will be largely unchanged, but instead of a middle-aged lady from Hull callously selling the urn containing her mother’s ashes because its worth £30 that could go towards a week in Benidorm, Osborne, along with presenter Angela Rippon, will tour the country auctioning off stately homes, mines, and small uninhabited islands to fill the nation’s coffers.

The coalition government is keen to promote the idea that society as a whole will need to make sacrifices following last week’s Spending Review, the rich and the poor alike.

A treasury spokesperson told Seleb Spy: “The country needs to think of itself as one big family going through these tough financial times together. And what does a family do when it’s strapped for cash? It pawns Grandpa’s World War II medals for a few extra quid to put towards a new 40 inch 3D TV, that’s what.”

He added: “Britain has collected a load of old crap throughout the centuries that it could sell off for a tidy profit, like the odd palace or two, or some submarines.

“Or Scotland”

Defending the move on BBC’s News Night George Osborne said that “desperate times call for desperate measures” and that selling Scotland was in the spirit of the show:

“The programme is called ‘Cash in the Attic’ – the attic is the upper-most part of a house; so what is Britain’s attic? It’s Scotland. And rather than sell off all the shit in the attic, why not just sell the attic itself?

“I have also suggested we sell off Ireland

“Oh we don’t? When did that happen?”

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