WikiLeaks releases confidential X Factor memos

1 Dec
cheryl Cole wikileaks

Leaks reveal that Cheryl Cole has reported Konnie Huq and One Direction's Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.

Whistle-blowing website WikiLeaks published details of hundreds of highly sensitive messages, today, sent between staff on ITV’s hit show the X Factor.

The emails, texts, and voicemail messages sent between high-ranking members of the X Factor team – including the show’s judges – were leaked by an anonymous source at ITV and have been distributed by the WikiLeaks website to several publications, including Seleb Spy.

According to entertainment analysts the leak is a huge embarrassment for ITV and the revelations will seriously damage the show’s credibility.

Mark Busby, entertainment editor of the Financial Times said: “The X Factor is regarded as the cultural zenith of the modern era, a programme that centuries from now schoolchildren will study, as they do Shakespeare now.

“But after reading these leaked messages the show looks like a load of fabricated bollocks with an outcome that Simon Cowell has predetermined while rolling around on a bed of money laughing at the Great British fuckwits who swallow his shit week after week.”

Seleb Spy can exclusively reveal the following details from the leaked memos:

  • 2006’s Now 65 is Cheryl Cole’s favourite album of all time.
  • Simon Cowell doesn’t know the names of any of this year’s contestants and is prompted by producers through his earpiece. Off screen he refers to them as: boyband, little skank, thick scouse, fat Irish, and lazy decorator.
  • The winner of the X Factor each year is selected in early September by a secret cabal of Mossad agents, Simon Cowell and Sinitta.
  • Louis Walsh always travels with an athletic 19 year-old Hungarian boy called Zsolt whom he claims is his ‘personal trainer’.
  • Cheryl Cole does not like Xtra Factor presenter Konnie Huq, whom she refers to as ‘Konnie Tikka Masala’, because her surname is spelt with a Q that is not followed by a U and she finds that ‘unnatural’.
  • Cheryl Cole has a catchphrase writer for the show on a salary of £110,000 pa. Among his work is ‘You’re right up my street’ and ‘You’re my cup of tea with two sugars.’
  • Cheryl Cole has twice reported Konnie Huq and One Direction’s Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.
  • Dannii Minogue is planning to have Matt Cardle sing her 1994 hit This is It, complete with dance routine, in the X Factor final.
  • Mary Byrne suffers from severe thrush – an X Factor crew member is quoted as saying: “Her minge is yeastier than a baker’s apron.”
  • Cher Lloyd weighs 6 stone, 2 stone of which is hair.

ITV were quick to condemn the disclosure of its confidential internal communications, branding it “a despicable act comparable to genocide.”

X Factor supremo Simon Cowell meanwhile denied the validity of the leaked memos altogether. He said: “Look, I categorically deny that any of the information from these supposed leaked messages contain even potentially an ounce of truth and they’ve actually just been written by a sad homosexual for his shitty website that no one reads.

“Apart from the bit about Cheryl Cole being a racist. That’s true.

“Now if you excuse me, I’m late for my appointment with Katie Waissel’s grandmother.”

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