Archive | January, 2011

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Cheryl Cole video game unveiled

30 Jan

SELEB SPY exclusively brings you the first footage of the long-awaited video game Super Cheryl World for the Nintendo Wii.

In the game, produced by Newcastle based developers TyneSoft, players guide national treasure Cheryl Cole through the North East of England on her journey to rescue Geordie legend Paul Gascoigne who has been wrongly imprisoned in a mental asylum.

Geoffrey Clark from TyneSoft told Seleb Spy: “As the leading software developers in the North East, we really wanted to create a truly local game, capturing the Geordie spirit.

“Our first idea was a first-person shooter featuring Ant and Dec.

“Imagine Call of Duty, but instead of it being the Americans versus the Russians,  it is supporters of Newcastle FC against supporters of Sunderland.

“And rather than battling in a top-secret Russian nuclear facility, all the action takes place in a run-down pub in South Shields.

“And instead of using super powerful weapons like an AK47, the characters use broken bottles and their bare fists.”

TyneSoft ultimately decided that Ant & Dec’s Football Pub Brawl was too similar to Call of Duty and did not want to risk being sued for copyright infringement, so instead chose to develop  a Cheryl Cole based video game.

Clark said: “Cheryl Cole really is a brilliant ambassador for Newcastle as she truly represents what it is to be a Geordie lass.

“She is beautiful, independent, tenacious and strong-willed.

“And has a tendency to become extremely violent when drunk.”

Super Cheryl World has been developed using the most powerful design software available in the county of Tyne & Wear and, as this exclusive footage demonstrates, really pushes the Nintendo Wii’s graphical capabilities to the limit.

TyneSoft had hoped the game would appeal to the whole family, however were left disappointed after the British Board of Film Classifications issued Super Cheryl World with an 18 certificate.

Sally Anderson from the BBFC said: “We understand that Cheryl Cole is loved by everyone, young and old, so the game will appeal to players of all ages.

“However the amount of racist language and racially aggravated violence in the game means we have had no choice but to prohibit its sale to children.

“The ‘Louis Walsh’s dressing room’ level is particularly shocking.

“I’ve never seen fisting in a computer game before.”

Super Cheryl World is available to buy from 1st May.

Katie Price accused of hacking into News of the World’s voicemail

25 Jan
Katie Price, Jordan, Alex Reid, News of the world, NOTW, Andy Coulson, Seleb Spy 2011, selebspy.com

Katie Price is accused of hacking into the voicemails of News of the World journalists.

GLAMOUR model and Booker Prize-winning author Katie Price was implicated in the News of the World phone hacking scandal, today, after the newspaper alleged she had illegally accessed its staff’s voicemail messages.

David Cameron’s communications chief, Andy Coulson, resigned last week after being subjected to renewed allegations that he was aware of the hacking of public figures’ phones while serving as the editor of the News of the World from 2003 to 2007.

A string of celebrities and politicians including Sienna Miller, Elle McPherson, John Prescott and Jane McDonald are believed to have been targeted by journalists and have launched legal proceedings against the newspaper.

The News of the World has now launched its own claim against 32-year-old model Katie Price accusing her of hacking into its staff’s voicemails to find out how interested they were in her life, and to track the movements of its photographers and reporters to maximise her exposure.

The newspaper claims to have evidence proving Price accessed its employees’ voicemail messages to monitor how much coverage she would be receiving, and if the level was not satisfactory, would engage in attention-grabbing behaviour over the following days to boost her profile.

News of the World photographer, Craig Clarkson, one of the paper’s employees claiming to have had his voicemail messages accessed by Price, told Seleb Spy:

“Everywhere I went, Jordan would somehow know I was going to be there.

“I went to Heathrow to get some pictures of Lady Gaga arriving in a dress made of sanitary towels with matching tampon earrings, and I found Jordan there, walking around the arrival hall, trying to jump into each shot I took.

“Then I was outside the X Factor studios, trying to get an upskirt shot of Mary Byrne, and there she was again, pretending to be on the phone having a blazing argument with Alex Reid.

“Which I would have believed, if it wasn’t for the fact I could see Alex sitting in her car parked round the corner, eating a kebab.”

Clarkson said that he started to seriously consider the possibility that his telephone had been hacked before Christmas last year when he left a colleague a voicemail message saying he had to finish work early in order to see his daughter perform in her school Nativity play:

“When I got to the school, I found Jordan suggestively bent over the side a climbing frame, sucking her finger.”

Price released a statement today dismissing the News of the World’s allegations, branding them “a load of rubbish”.

She said: “There is not an ounce of truth in the claims that have been made against me by the News of the World.

“I strongly believe that everyone has the right to privacy and a private life and I will always respect that right. I would never hack into anyone’s voicemail.

“You can’t trust that Craig Clarkson anyway, because he’s seeing well-hung black rent boys behind his wife’s back while she’s visiting her sick mother in hospital.

“So I’ve heard.”

EASTENDERS EXCLUSIVE: Tiffany Dean’s Drawing

20 Jan

Tiffany Dean, EastEnders, Carol Jackson, Connor, Seleb Spy, SelebSpy.com 2011

SELEB SPY can exclusively reveal the picture Tiffany Dean drew of her grandmother getting shafted by a well hung young black man in EastEnders.

In scenes broadcast earlier this week in BBC One’s flagship soap opera, seven-year-old Tiffany is left traumatised after accidentally witnessing her grandmother, Carol Jackson, in a moment of passion with her toyboy, Connor, who is also seeing her step sister at the same time.

Or something.

As Carol tells Tiffany to keep what she saw a secret, the little girl resorts to drawing a series of explicit pictures of the encounter.

Tiffany’s mother, Bianca, later finds the shocking drawings, which were to be shown on-screen during Tuesday night’s episode.

However producers decided to cut the shots showing the pictures, as they were deemed too explicit for the pre-watershed time slot and risked incurring the wrath of a Daily Mail “BAN THIS SICK FILTH” headline and thousands of complaints to OfCom.

But an insider at the BBC has leaked one of the pictures to Seleb Spy after they were found in the EastEnders props department.

He said: “Obviously they weren’t actually drawn by a seven-year-old girl.

“That task was left to some sad gay with too much time on his hands.”

Mystic Meg: “Oh, fuck it, it’s all a load of bollocks anyway.”

17 Jan

Mystic Meg, new signs of zodiac, Seleb Spy 2011, selebspy.comBRITAIN’S leading astrologer, Mystic Meg, has shocked the country by announcing that horoscopes are completely meaningless and a total waste of time, after it was discovered that everyone’s star sign has been wrong all along.

A Minneapolis astronomy professor, Parke Kunkle, suggested this week that the zodiac system is inaccurate as it is based on “2,000-year-old information”.

He said the Earth’s changing orbit means it is no longer aligned to the stars in the same way as when the signs of the zodiac were first conceived.

If adjusted to the current alignment most people’s “real” star signs shift back one month, for example a Leo (dominant and creative) may now be Cancer (moody and sensitive). A thirteenth sign, Ophiuchus – a half man, half beaver creature – has also been introduced.

Astrologers have been inundated with calls and emails from clients concerned that they have essentially been living a lie their whole lives.

Avid astrology follower Kelly Clamp from Hull told Seleb Spy: “I read my horoscope every day and call those premium rate astrology lines a lot.

“I had wondered why absolutely nothing they predicted had come true before, like the tall, dark, handsome stranger, dream job, huge house and mountains of cash.

“I was starting to think that it was because I am a morbidly obese munter with no ambition, skills or qualifications.

“Now I know that it was because I was checking the wrong star sign all along!”

For many people, the adjustments to the signs of the zodiac will have life-changing consequences.

Distraught Sally Anderson from Essex wrote on the Sun forums: “I thought I was Capricorn my whole life and now I’ve found out I’m really Sagittarius.

“How am I supposed to behave now, considering my star sign dictates my personality?

“I am very happily married with three children, but my husband is a Virgo, and Virgos are not compatible with Sagittarians.

“I’m going to have to divorce him now.

“Or just kill myself.”

The Sun’s resident astrologer, Mystic Meg, who is a registered member of the British Association of Charlatans, shocked readers, yesterday, by claiming that professor Kunkle’s claims are irrelevant as astrology is a complete load of bollocks that was cooked up thousands of years ago when they believed the world was flat and that it was fine to get married to your own 11-year-old daughter.

She wrote in her column in yesterday’s Sun: “Cancer, Uranus is rising which will bring luck in the workplace … actually I mean Gemini. Or maybe it’s Leo.

“Oh fuck it, do you idiots really think that the alignment of the stars and planets is really going to help you get that promotion you are going for? The one that your boss is going to end up giving to that tidy blonde piece from HR because she gave him a tit wank in the disabled toilets during her lunch-break?

“Pisces will be celebrating too.”

The Church of England welcomed Meg’s comments, as astrology is viewed as a form of witchcraft by the Christian faith.

The bishop of London, Michael Clarke, said: “I am glad that people are starting to wake up and see that astrology is just a load of mumbo-jumbo.

“I mean what kind of morons base their lives around some made up stuff that was written thousands of years ago with no evidence to support its validity?

“Oh shit.”

Shock as Katie Price is snubbed in BRIT Award nominations

16 Jan

Katie Price, BRITs 2011, Seleb Spy, SelebSpy.com 2011

THE music industry was left shocked, yesterday, after the BRITs voting academy overlooked Katie Price in this year’s awards nominations.

The model turned critically acclaimed author launched her highly successful music career this year with her hit top 150 début single Free to Love Again.

Sally Anderson, entertainment editor of the Financial Times told Seleb Spy: “When I received the full list of nominations I was expecting to see Katie Price nominated as Best British Female Solo Artist, British Breakthrough Act, and Best British Single for Free to Love Again.

“I was truly shocked to find no nominations at all for Katie.

“I mean have you actually heard Free to Love Again?!”

Minutes after the nominations were announced on Friday, music fans took to Twitter to voice their anger at the voting academy’s decision to snub national treasure Price.

One music lover, Geoffrey Clarkson, tweeted: “oh my dayz! cant beleev Jordan didnt get no nomination for dis years BRITS. She is proper peng and Free 2 Luv Again is shower.

“I would very much like to engage in sexual relations with her.”

Ralph Marcus from the BRITs voting academy dismissed the criticism and maintained that Price did not deserve to be nominated for any awards.

He said: “It is ridiculous to think that we would nominate someone who can’t sing and just looks pretty and appears in the tabloids and glossy magazines a lot.”

Cheryl Cole meanwhile is celebrating her two nominations in the categories of Best British Female Solo Artist and Best British Single for Parachute.

She wrote on her website this morning: “Canny chuffed to be nominated for two awards at the BRITs.

“If that spacker-faced Ellie Goulding wins Best British Lass over me she better watch her back.

“I have two words for her:

“Sophie Amogbokpa.”

BBC names Dame Edna Everage as new Buzzcocks host as ageism row rages

14 Jan

Dame Edna Everage, Never Mind the Buzzcocks, BBC, Miriam O'Reilly, Seleb Spy 2011, selebspy.com

THE BBC has named Australian comedienne Dame Edna Everage as the new permanent host of Never Mind the Buzzcocks in an attempt to counter accusations that the corporation discriminates against older female broadcasters.

The move comes just days after ex-Countryfile host Miriam O’Reilly won an employment tribunal against the BBC on the grounds of ageism.

The 53-year-old claimed she had been unfairly dropped from the rural affairs show when it moved to a primetime Sunday evening slot just because she had wrinkles and a few grey hairs, and pissed herself on air whenever she laughed.

Creative Director for the BBC, Alan Yentob said: “In the case of the dismissal of Miriam O’Reilly, we didn’t get it right.

“You can’t sack someone just because they have bladder weakness and enjoy listening to Phil Collins CDs in their dressing room.

“We are now going to endeavour to make the faces of the BBC as representative of Britain’s diverse society as possible.

“And that includes employing more older female presenters on prime time programmes, such as Dame Edna on Buzzcocks.”

The 73-year-old Australian follows in the footsteps of previous hosts of the usually male-dominated BBC 2 music quiz, Mark Lamarr and Simon Amstell.

Speaking exclusively to Seleb Spy, Dame Edna said: “Darling, I am absolutely delighted to be hosting Never Buzz the Mindcocks and cannot wait to get started.

“I think it is wonderful that the BBC has chosen a woman of my age to host such a hip, young show.

“Having said that, I do hope that Noel Fielding fellow doesn’t try to stick his didgeridoo up my Ramsay Street. That would be most inappropriate.”

The BBC has promised to hire more women over 50 in the coming months.

Esther Rantzen, Seleb Spy, SelebSpy.com 2011

Melvin "Esther" Rantzen, retired car mechanic from Brighton. Performing at the Two Brewers in Clapham this Saturday.

Yentob said: “We are committed to investing in more mature female talent.

“That’s why only today I’ve ordered a shed-load of Tena Lady, Horlicks, Berocca and potpourri in preparation.”

It is rumoured that broadcaster and children’s campaigner Esther Rantzen had originally been approached to be the new host of Buzzcocks, however the offer was later withdrawn after the BBC realised that ‘Esther’ is actually a retired mechanic from Brighton called Melvin in drag.

Jack Straw: Young white girls ‘easy meat’ for TV talent show producers

12 Jan
Cher Lloyd, X Factor 2010, Seleb Spy 2011

Cry me a river - Jack Straw has accused Simon Cowell of exploiting young white girls like Cher Lloyd (above).

FORMER home secretary Jack Straw has sparked outrage by saying that producers of television talent shows see white girls as easy meat for exploitation.

The Blackburn MP was speaking after vulnerable X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd had a mental breakdown and threw her own excrement at the audience at a recent performance in Hull, following months of mental abuse at the hands of Simon Cowell.

He said there was a “specific problem” where middle-aged, high waist-banded men who run TV talent shows “target vulnerable white girls” to make bucket loads of cash for themselves.

He said: “Because they’re vulnerable they ply them with compliments and say they are ‘relevant’ and ‘current’ and ‘right up my street’, they give them nice clothes, and introduce them to shoddy American rappers, and then of course they’re trapped.

“The next thing these girls know, they are being degraded in the most unspeakable ways.

“Like having their vocal abilities judged by Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue on prime time TV on a weekly basis.”

But Ralph Marcus of the Television Producers Union said it was not a problem specific to the industry and it was wrong to stereotype a whole profession.

He said: “I would go as far as to say that exploitation of young women is not a problem in television in general.

“Rather the opposite, it acts as a means for girls to empower themselves.

“For example, the new programme I am currently producing for BBC 3, Teen Mum Island, which sees ten young single mothers going back to basics on an uninhabited Pacific island, spending the whole time in bikinis, with the sun reflecting off their silky smooth skin as they cavort around on the beach splashing each other with water, is very empowering.

“Did I mention that it’s hosted by Fearne Cotton?”

ITV, which produces the X Factor, rejected the politician’s claims, branding them “ridiculous”.

A spokesperson said: “We exploit all young people equally, regardless of gender, race, and sexual orientation.

Meanwhile Straw’s remarks were welcomed, today, by the British National Party, outspoken critics of the mainstream media.

BNP spokesperson Mohammed Saddiq told Seleb Spy: “Mr Straw has simply repeated what we have been saying for years: These television producers come over here and take our jobs and exploit our daughters.

“They should go back to where they came from.

“Or something.”

Simon Cowell, who was singled out by Straw for criticism, dismissed the accusations as “rubbish, potentially”.

He said: “I absolutely do not exploit young white girls.

“Do you like my new car, by the way? It has zero carbon emissions.

“It’s powered by Katie Waissel’s tears.”

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