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Jack Straw: Young white girls ‘easy meat’ for TV talent show producers

12 Jan
Cher Lloyd, X Factor 2010, Seleb Spy 2011

Cry me a river - Jack Straw has accused Simon Cowell of exploiting young white girls like Cher Lloyd (above).

FORMER home secretary Jack Straw has sparked outrage by saying that producers of television talent shows see white girls as easy meat for exploitation.

The Blackburn MP was speaking after vulnerable X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd had a mental breakdown and threw her own excrement at the audience at a recent performance in Hull, following months of mental abuse at the hands of Simon Cowell.

He said there was a “specific problem” where middle-aged, high waist-banded men who run TV talent shows “target vulnerable white girls” to make bucket loads of cash for themselves.

He said: “Because they’re vulnerable they ply them with compliments and say they are ‘relevant’ and ‘current’ and ‘right up my street’, they give them nice clothes, and introduce them to shoddy American rappers, and then of course they’re trapped.

“The next thing these girls know, they are being degraded in the most unspeakable ways.

“Like having their vocal abilities judged by Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue on prime time TV on a weekly basis.”

But Ralph Marcus of the Television Producers Union said it was not a problem specific to the industry and it was wrong to stereotype a whole profession.

He said: “I would go as far as to say that exploitation of young women is not a problem in television in general.

“Rather the opposite, it acts as a means for girls to empower themselves.

“For example, the new programme I am currently producing for BBC 3, Teen Mum Island, which sees ten young single mothers going back to basics on an uninhabited Pacific island, spending the whole time in bikinis, with the sun reflecting off their silky smooth skin as they cavort around on the beach splashing each other with water, is very empowering.

“Did I mention that it’s hosted by Fearne Cotton?”

ITV, which produces the X Factor, rejected the politician’s claims, branding them “ridiculous”.

A spokesperson said: “We exploit all young people equally, regardless of gender, race, and sexual orientation.

Meanwhile Straw’s remarks were welcomed, today, by the British National Party, outspoken critics of the mainstream media.

BNP spokesperson Mohammed Saddiq told Seleb Spy: “Mr Straw has simply repeated what we have been saying for years: These television producers come over here and take our jobs and exploit our daughters.

“They should go back to where they came from.

“Or something.”

Simon Cowell, who was singled out by Straw for criticism, dismissed the accusations as “rubbish, potentially”.

He said: “I absolutely do not exploit young white girls.

“Do you like my new car, by the way? It has zero carbon emissions.

“It’s powered by Katie Waissel’s tears.”

Jay-Z attempts to return Cher Lloyd to Primark

1 Jan

Cher Lloyd, Jaz-Z, X Factor, Seleb Spy 2011JAY-Z has attempted to return X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd to Primark after admitting he had been expecting the legendary diva Cher.

The music industry was left shocked when the US hip hop star announced he had acquired 32 year-old recovering crystal meth addict Cher Lloyd this week.

Since the X Factor concluded in December rumours had been circulating that Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.i.am was interested in signing the unstable contestant.

Sally Anderson, entertainment editor of the Financial Times told Seleb Spy:

“Will.i.am is in the market for a pram-faced wench to replace Fergie as she is getting on a bit, and is frankly quite off-putting to watch.

“After meeting Cher on the X Factor he immediately knew she would be perfect for the job of a marginally attractive frontwoman with questionable vocal abilities.”

However a spokesperson from Jay-Z’s record label Roc Nation confirmed  today that the New York-based rapper believed it was 64 year-old pop legend Cher on offer and not a malnourished street urchin from the Midlands.

He said: “Jay had heard talk of Will.i.am signing Cher and assumed it was the Cher.

“You know, ‘Do you belieeeeeeeeve in life after luuuuurv.’

“He did think it was a bit of a bargain and hadn’t heard of this ‘Primark’ record label before, but sent a representative over to England anyway to make the purchase before Will got in there first.”

It is understood that Jay-Z has since tried to return Lloyd to the Worcester branch of Primark explaining the mix-up. However staff have refused to accept the return claiming Lloyd is damaged goods.

Manager of Primark Worcester Georgina Clank told Seleb Spy: “We’ve seen it all; people trying to return ripped dresses, soiled underwear, broken shoes.

“And mentally fucked-up wannabe ghetto princesses.

“There is a Sue Ryder Care shop down the road if Mr Z would like to dispose of Miss Lloyd.

“They are always willing to take any old unwanted crap.”

WikiLeaks releases confidential X Factor memos

1 Dec
cheryl Cole wikileaks

Leaks reveal that Cheryl Cole has reported Konnie Huq and One Direction's Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.

Whistle-blowing website WikiLeaks published details of hundreds of highly sensitive messages, today, sent between staff on ITV’s hit show the X Factor.

The emails, texts, and voicemail messages sent between high-ranking members of the X Factor team – including the show’s judges – were leaked by an anonymous source at ITV and have been distributed by the WikiLeaks website to several publications, including Seleb Spy.

According to entertainment analysts the leak is a huge embarrassment for ITV and the revelations will seriously damage the show’s credibility.

Mark Busby, entertainment editor of the Financial Times said: “The X Factor is regarded as the cultural zenith of the modern era, a programme that centuries from now schoolchildren will study, as they do Shakespeare now.

“But after reading these leaked messages the show looks like a load of fabricated bollocks with an outcome that Simon Cowell has predetermined while rolling around on a bed of money laughing at the Great British fuckwits who swallow his shit week after week.”

Seleb Spy can exclusively reveal the following details from the leaked memos:

  • 2006’s Now 65 is Cheryl Cole’s favourite album of all time.
  • Simon Cowell doesn’t know the names of any of this year’s contestants and is prompted by producers through his earpiece. Off screen he refers to them as: boyband, little skank, thick scouse, fat Irish, and lazy decorator.
  • The winner of the X Factor each year is selected in early September by a secret cabal of Mossad agents, Simon Cowell and Sinitta.
  • Louis Walsh always travels with an athletic 19 year-old Hungarian boy called Zsolt whom he claims is his ‘personal trainer’.
  • Cheryl Cole does not like Xtra Factor presenter Konnie Huq, whom she refers to as ‘Konnie Tikka Masala’, because her surname is spelt with a Q that is not followed by a U and she finds that ‘unnatural’.
  • Cheryl Cole has a catchphrase writer for the show on a salary of £110,000 pa. Among his work is ‘You’re right up my street’ and ‘You’re my cup of tea with two sugars.’
  • Cheryl Cole has twice reported Konnie Huq and One Direction’s Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.
  • Dannii Minogue is planning to have Matt Cardle sing her 1994 hit This is It, complete with dance routine, in the X Factor final.
  • Mary Byrne suffers from severe thrush – an X Factor crew member is quoted as saying: “Her minge is yeastier than a baker’s apron.”
  • Cher Lloyd weighs 6 stone, 2 stone of which is hair.

ITV were quick to condemn the disclosure of its confidential internal communications, branding it “a despicable act comparable to genocide.”

X Factor supremo Simon Cowell meanwhile denied the validity of the leaked memos altogether. He said: “Look, I categorically deny that any of the information from these supposed leaked messages contain even potentially an ounce of truth and they’ve actually just been written by a sad homosexual for his shitty website that no one reads.

“Apart from the bit about Cheryl Cole being a racist. That’s true.

“Now if you excuse me, I’m late for my appointment with Katie Waissel’s grandmother.”

Cheryl Cole granted restraining order against Cher Lloyd

18 Oct
Cheryl Cole Cher Lloyd

Cher Lloyd gatecrashes the filming of Cheryl Cole's new video Promise This

X FACTOR judge Cheryl Cole has been granted a restraining order against Cher Lloyd after the 32 year-old recovering crystal meth addict became worryingly obsessed with the star.

A source at ITV said: “Cheryl has always been aware that Cher idolises her, but at first she thought she was just a fan like any other.

“I mean, who doesn’t idolise Cheryl Cole? She’s a national treasure, after all.”

Since her initial audition on the ITV talent show, broadcast in September, viewers had been struck by the resemblance Lloyd bore to Cole. At the time, the Fight for this Lollipop singer heaped praise on Lloyd and gushed: “You are right up my street!”

However Cole became concerned when she later found the contestant right up her street, literally:

“Cheryl found Cher outside her house, rummaging through her bins one morning. Also she started calling Cheryl ‘mummy'” our spy at ITV said.

Cole is understood to have made the decision to seek a restraining order after a row erupted over Lloyd’s song choice for last Saturday’s live show, the theme of which was musical heroes. Lloyd immediately requested to sing one of her mentor’s songs, however Cole thought it would be inappropriate, even by X Factor standards. The argument then escalated with the two trading incomprehensible northern insults.

A production assistant who witnessed the altercation told Seleb Spy: “It all kicked off and Cheryl snapped and told Cher to get away from her and called her a ‘proper little psycho’ and a ‘charva’. Cher went ape shit and started smashing the place up and screamed ‘what do you mean go away? I’m right up your street, you said so yourself! If I can’t be with you, no one can!’

“Then she threatened Cheryl with a pair of hot hair straighteners.”

X Factor producers insist the restraining order will not affect the rest of the competition, and that next Saturday’s live show will be “business as usual”, however they have admitted that certain practicalities will need to be worked into the show to ensure the order is not broken.

Cole will continue to mentor Lloyd however all contact between the two must go through Sinitta who will act as an intermediary.

In addition, an ITV spokesman explained: “There will be a line painted across the front of the stage marking the 15 foot boundary from Cheryl’s seat at the judges’ desk. Cher has been warned that during her performance she must under no circumstances cross this line. Security personnel will be closely monitoring to ensure she does not do so.

“If she does she will be tasered.”

It has also emerged that leading into her performances, instead of the usual introduction clip of Lloyd dressed in black, moodily turning to the camera, viewers will see footage of the singer going through a metal detector arch and having a full body pat down by a security guard to check for any weapons or sharp objects, before walking onto the stage.

Dermot O’Leary will also be wearing a stab vest.

EXCLUSIVE: Katie Waissel Nude Photo

16 Oct
Katie waissel Nude

XXX Factor - The nude shot of Katie Waissel

A photograph of a naked Katie Waissel has leaked onto the Internet. The X Factor contestant is instantly recognisable from her trademark blond fright wig and oddly shaped face.

Meanwhile a photo of fellow contestant Cher Lloyd getting spit-roasted by two members of 1 Direction is also rumoured to be about to hit the web.

Cher Lloyd dismisses concerns over her health by being a complete bitch

9 Oct

 

Cher Lloyd X Factor

Cher Lloyd wants your support.... or else

 

X FACTOR contestant Cher Lloyd, 32, has sought to put to rest concerns over her vunerability and mental state by being a complete bitch and threatening her critics with a a knuckle sandwich.

The recovering crystal meth addict dismissed viewers’ genuine concern over her weight and fragile mental state by blasting them as ‘evil’ and threatening to beat them up if they ever cross her in the street.

X Factor viewer Sally MacDonald, 61, from Cumbria said: “I wrote to ITV becuase the poor girl seemed very fragile and didn’t seem well on last week’s show, I just didn’t think she could cope with the pressure of being on the show.

“Now I can see she’s actually a right little madam and would probably happy slap me and film it on her mobile phone if she ever got the chance.”

After being selected as one of mentor Cheryl Cole’s three acts for the live finals, despite not being able to complete her last audition, Lloyd said: ‘It was very unfortunate. I was ill at the time. Come Saturday they’ll think, “She picked herself back up.” And if they don’t, I’ll smash their fucking faces in.

‘That’s what I’m going to do. I’m a fighter, like Cheryl Cole. I’m tiptop now and can’t wait to show them all what I’ve got.’ She added, bouncing around punching the air like a boxer.

With a half eaten croissant in hand she hit back at claims about her weight: “Not eating? That’s rubbish, of course I’m eating, I’ve just eaten half of this fucking croissant!

“Excuse me, I’m just going to go to the bathroom for a few minutes… to err… freshen up.”

Lloyd, from Malvern, Worcestershire, also rejected claims she was trying to copy Cheryl Cole.

‘I don’t have to try to be different to her. I am my own person. I will dress how I want to dress and not how other people want to see me,’ she said.

‘So what if we both have the same hair, and the same face, and almost the same name, and the same chavy tattoos, and the same tendacy of violent outbursts. If you like me, you like me, if you don’t, then see you later. But you better watch your back. Memba I told you.’

Lloyd slammed the ‘rubbish’ printed about her in the press and said she wouldn’t let it ruin her chances.

‘What’s the worst that someone can do to me? They can’t shoot me. But I can shoot them, because I’ve got a gun, yeah, that’s right. I’m ready to fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this competition.,’ she declared.

Commenting on the controversial axing of fellow contestant Gamu Nhengu, she said: “At the end of the day, being on the X Factor is like a job.

“And ‘British jobs for British workers’, I say.”

Government trying to find way to deport Katie Waissel

7 Oct

 

Katie Waissel X Factor

Katie Waissel's unique Gwen Stefani circa 2004 style

 

THE HOME OFFICE is desperately trying to find the legal grounds to deport Katie Waissel from Britain, SelebSpy has learnt.

Officials are searching for any legal loophole that would allow them to revoke the unbearable X Factor contestant’s British citizenship and deport her from the country.

Britain was shocked on Saturday when X Factor judge and national treasure Cheryl Cole, selected Waissel, 24, as one of her three acts for the live finals. The posh bint from London, who has repeatedly forgotten song lyrics and the fact she already has a record contract, was chosen by Cole along with single mother Rebecca Ferguson and recovering crystal meth addict Cher Lloyd.

The shock axing of popular contestant Gamu Nhengu as a result of her immigration status has given government officials the idea that they could get rid of Waissel in the same manner. The fact that Waissel is a British citizen with British-born parents has not deterred the Home Office from pursuing the case.

A spokesman from the UK Border Agency said: “There are two things that fill the British public with dread: the first is being caught up in a terrorist attack, the second is enduring Katie Waissel wailing away on their TV screens every Saturday night wearing some ridiculous ‘vintage’ clothing she’s bought from the Sue Ryder Care charity shop in Muswell Hill.

A Home Office spokesman said: “We are constantly reviewing immigration policy to ensure that those who pose a threat to our society do not have the right to stay in Britain, and where necessary, are deported to their country of origin. Obviously, in this case Miss Waissel’s country of origin is Britain, which does cause a bit of a problem, but we are exploring all avenues.

“I hear she’s a Jew so we could just say she’s an undercover Mossad agent and deport her to Israel. That would probably work.”

X Factor viewers have inundated Internet forums and social networking sites with angry comments claiming that, although perfect in all other respects, national treasure Cheryl Cole has made a grave mistake in selecting Waissel for the live finals of the show.

Sharon Anderson, a dinner lady from Hull wrote on The Daily News forums: “I normally despise immigrants, especially black ones, but Gamu sings really good and doesn’t look like she’s going to stab me for my mobile phone. Why don’t they deport that awful pointy-chinned Katie Waissel instead? She’s a right knob.”

One other line of enquiry being pursued by the Home Office is imprisoning Waissel under anti-terrorism laws for the duration of the X Factor live finals.

A Home Office spokesman said: “The definition of a ‘terrorist’ is ‘someone who causes terror and panic in others’, and the thought of seeing Katie Waissel sing Fly Me to the Moon during Big Band week on the X Factor fills me with utter terror. Therefore, you could say that Katie Waissel is a terrorist. And therefore should be deported.

“Or executed.”

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