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ITV to screen Bin Laden Does the Funniest Things

11 May
Osama Bin Laden, Barack Obama, ITV, Seleb Spy,, 2011

"This one time, at jihad camp..."

ITV has bought the rights to the home videos of Osama Bin Laden, recovered by US Navy SEALs in the al-Qaeda leader’s compound in Pakistan last week.

Bin Laden Does the Funniest Things will air on ITV1 from next Saturday as part of the channel’s new summer lineup, going head-to-head with the BBC’s critically acclaimed Don’t Scare the Hare and Do You Think You Can Fucking Dance?

The programme will be fronted by household favourite Stephen Mulhern and feature never before seen hilarious footage of the recently deceased 9/11 mastermind. One clip, to air this weekend, sees Bin Laden don one of his wive’s burqas and sing “Can’t read my, can’t read my, no he can’t read my burqa face“, in the style of Lady Gaga.

The broadcaster has come under fire, however, from critics who cite Bin Laden Does the Funniest Things as an example of an ongoing trend of ‘dumbing down’.

Gregory Solomons, head of programming at ITV, rejected the criticism, saying the show was part of the company’s “commitment to provide viewers with a diverse schedule, along with long-running favourites You’ve Been Framed, Animals Do the Funniest Things, People Do the Funniest Things, and the forthcoming Gypsies Do The Funniest Things.

“I mean come on, can you honestly tell me that you wouldn’t find Osama Bin Laden slipping over while climbing into his daughter’s paddling pool absolutely hilarious?” He added.

Questions have also been raised by several media pressure groups as to whether it is appropriate to air videos of an infamous terrorist in the form of a family entertainment programme.

Host Stephen Mulhern said he saw no problem in that, and Bin Laden Does the Funniest Things was suitable for the whole family.

He told Seleb Spy: “Osama Bin Laden may have been a murderous psychopath, responsible for the deaths of thousands of civilians – but he also had a real talent for visual comedy.

“Like a bloodthirsty jihadist Charlie Chaplin.”


Cliff Richard records Christian cover of Lady Gaga’s Judas for Easter

25 Apr

Cliff Richard, Lady-Gaga, Judas, Easter, Seleb Spy,, 2011, Sherlock ColeLEGENDARY British singer Sir Cliff Richard has released a cover version of Lady Gaga’s new single Judas in time for Easter.

The devout Christian has reworked the controversial song’s lyrics and given it the new title I’m in Love with Jesus to make it appropriate for this holiest time of the year.

Sir Cliff, 70, has previously criticised the song – in which Lady Gaga confesses her love for Judas, whose betrayal led to Jesus’s execution – as he felt its release during the run-up to Easter  was insensitive and offensive to Christians.

He said in an interview with Christian newspaper The Daily Bread earlier this month that the 25-year-old American star had made a “conscious decision to offend Christians around the world during the time of the year most important to them” and urged churchgoers not to buy her latest single or allow their children to do so.

Later, realising that a boycott of the immensely popular songstress’ music was futile, Sir Cliff had an epiphany, and came up with the idea to record his own version of the song, but with an added powerful Easter message.

“I was sitting in the living room with my companion John, watching The Only Way is Essex on the television, and suddenly the idea popped into my head! I should record a Christian cover of Judas and release it on Easter Sunday.

“It was as if God himself had whispered it in my ear.” He said.

The crooner’s new version of Judas – released yesterday on Rejoice Records – includes the chorus:

I’m just a Holy fool, but He is never cruel,
I’m so in love with Jesus, baby.
He died for my sins, and rose to live again,
I’m so in love with Jesus, baby.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, I’m in love with Jesus, Jesus 
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, so in love with Jesus, Jesus 

An accompanying music video has also been filmed, which features Sir Cliff wandering through the streets of Jerusalem’s Old City followed by a group of adoring nuns. NME have hailed the video as the singer’s best since Millennium Prayer in 1999.

The lifelong bachelor, who is close friends with Cilla Black, Dale Winton and Paul O’Grady has released several songs with a religious theme during his career of more than 50 years, including Mistletoe and Wine, Saviour’s Day, Millennium Prayer, and Proud Virgin Mary.

I’m in Love with Jesus is available to download now on iTunes, with all proceeds going to Christian Aid.

Queen threaten to sue Lady Gaga over name

7 Mar

Lady Gaga, Queen, Baby Gaga, Breast Milk Icecream

LEGENDARY glam rock band Queen have threatened to sue Lady Gaga over her name, Seleb Spy has learnt.

The American singer – real name Stefani Germaloids –  has on several occasions stated that her stage name is based on the title of the Queen hit Radio GaGa, and that she takes inspiration from the band’s flamboyant frontman, the late Freddie Mercury.

However the controversial star’s increasingly outrageous behaviour has angered the band’s surviving members, who have become concerned that Queen’s reputation could be damaged as a result of the perceived association with the Lady Gaga brand. In 2010, guitarist Brian May – who as well as being an old lesbian is also a vegetarian and advocate for animal rights – was said to be furious when the star wore a dress made from meat at the MTV Video Music Awards.

It was learnt today that lawyers representing the band  have sent a legal letter to Cumstain Records warning them to change Lady Gaga’s name to something unrelated to Queen or any of its songs.

In the document, Queen’s lawyers  accuse the Butter Face singer’s record company of “riding on the band’s coattails” to promote an artist who is “deliberately provocative and, to many people, nausea-inducing.”

The letter adds: “The references you are making to ‘Gaga’ are thus clearly deliberate and intended to take advantage of Queen’s reputation and good will… Associating the Queen brand with an artist who may be unsafe for human consumption (owing to the risk of it carrying such viruses as hepatitis) is also highly detrimental.”

Lady Gaga took time from loving her fans, this morning, to release a statement in which she rejected Queen’s claims and blasted the legal threat as “garbage”. She added: “I think Queen calling me provocative and disease-riddled is a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

“And as I explain in my new hit single Styled This Way, there is nothing wrong with being black.

“Apart from not being able to pronounce the word ‘ask’ properly.

“Now if you excuse me, I am very busy, YouTube sensation Maria Aragon is coming over and we are gonna do some coke and explore our sexuality together.”

Colonel Gaddafi hires Cheryl Cole’s PR company to improve his image

25 Feb

Colonel Gadaffi, Libya, Kerry Katona, Cheryl Cole, Seleb Spy 2011,

EMBATTLED Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi has enlisted the PR company of British singer Cheryl Cole to improve his tarnished reputation as his regime’s grip on power weakens.

The 68-year-old has ruled the North African country with an iron fist for 42 years following a coup in 1969, however the huge protests of the last fortnight have seen all but the capital fall into the hands of opposition forces.

Seleb Spy has now learnt that Gaddafi has hired SuperDynamic, the PR company that transformed Cheryl Cole from a violent, racist chav with questionable vocal abilities into a national treasure and pop superstar with questionable vocal abilities.

Andrew Clark, entertainment editor of the Financial Times, said that SuperDynamic was widely regarded as one of the best PR companies in the world, capable of turning around the careers of even the most loathed figures.

“I mean, just a few years ago who would have imagined that Alan and Maxine Carr’s Celebrity Chinwag would become the most watched show on British television?” he added.

Earlier this week Colonel Gaddafi sought to ingratiate himself with Libya’s youth by making a bizarre Lady Gaga-inspired television appearance from the back of a car, holding an umbrella and wearing a hat with ear-flaps.

He said: “The protesters are rats! All my Little Monsters, you are so beautiful, you should grab any heavy object you can find and go out onto the streets and smash those fucking protesters’ heads in until their limp bodies are twitching on the ground.

“Paws up!”

SuperDynamic founder and PR guru Sally Anderson told Seleb Spy: “Colonel Gaddafi – or Colonel G Man as he would now prefer to be known – knows that he has made some mistakes.

“Like the Lockerbie bombing and ordering the army to launch air attacks on his own country’s civilian population.

“But who hasn’t done that? He’s only human after all, we all make mistakes sometimes.”

It is expected that the eccentric despot will make a series of high-profile public appearances at events around the world in the coming days, including the Oscars, and also do several magazine features.

Rumours are also circulating that Gaddafi is set to pip Cheryl Cole to the post and take one of the coveted seats on the American X Factor judging panel this autumn.

Anderson said: “Colonel G Man would be ideal for the US X Factor role. He would bring constructive criticism, the wisdom of age and botoxed glamour to the table. He’s like Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Dannii Minogue all rolled into one.

“Also, Colonel G Man is a Bedouin – a nomadic people who traditionally live in tents. So we’re going to try to get him on the next series of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding as well.”

SuperDynamic were not concerned about signing up such a controversial figure and were delighted that the troubled leader chose to approach them, she said.

“Colonel Gaddafi may be a tyrannical dictator who has been accused of killing and torturing thousands, and of having amassed a huge multi-billion dollar fortune while the majority of his country lived in abject poverty.

“But he has never been accused of racially abusing a nightclub toilet attendant just because she wouldn’t give him a Chupa Chup.”

The company has nevertheless been heavily criticised for associating with Gaddafi, whom the international community are threatening to charge with war crimes for his bloody crack-down on the Libyan protests, and his dreadful dress sense.

British prime minister David Cameron said this morning: “I think it is appalling that SuperDynamic PR would choose to work with such a morally bankrupt and despicable person, who has caused such unimaginable suffering.

“I mean, did you see that poor toilet attendant’s black eye?”

Food scare as eggs contaminated by pop star

17 Feb

Lady Gaga, Born This Way, Grammies, Grammy Awards, Seleb Spy 2011,

BRITAIN is on alert today after it emerged that eggs contaminated by bat-shit crazy singer Lady Gaga may have entered the food chain.

The scare was sparked by the eccentric American star’s performance of her new single It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Fat and Gay at Sunday’s Grammy Awards ceremony, after she arrived at the venue and entered the stage inside a giant egg.

It has since emerged that the 24-year-old singer – real name Stefani Germanotta – had visited several egg farms in the US in preparation for the performance “for inspiration”, and inadvertently contaminated their production lines.

Last week the star tweeted to her legions of fans: “At the egg farm today, Little Monsters. It’s so inspiring. Some of the eggs are white, some of the eggs are brown, some are big, some are small. But they were all born this way.

“Paws up.”

Tests conducted by the Food Standards Agency on imported American eggs have since found traces of contamination in a large number of batches, prompting fears that tainted produce has entered the food chain in Britain. A spokesman said that among the contaminants found were glitter, fake eyelash glue, cocaine and human tears.

“We found foreign substances in an alarming number of batches of eggs tested. The only conclusion we can draw is that a self-important pop star with mental health issues has been interfering with chickens and eggs at several egg farms in the North East United States.

“We could be looking at the most serious food scare this country has seen since Kerry Katona’s ill-fated frozen meals range hospitalised fifty and left three children dead.”

British supermarkets are now clearing their shelves of cakes, sponges and quiches produced with contaminated American eggs amid fears of a widespread outbreak of Gaga-related food poisoning. However, authorities have been accused of being too slow to react to the scare and of putting public health at risk.

Local trading standards offices have been inundated with calls and emails from concerned members of the public complaining of exposure to contaminated eggs and egg-containing products.

Sally Anderson, a 68-year-old retired dinner lady from Hull, said: “I was cracking an egg into my frying pan when I noticed a small brown seed thing in the white.

“I didn’t know what it was at first, but now I am pretty sure it must have been a miniature version of one of those Alexander McQueen Armadillo shoes.

“Edwina Currie was right about eggs all along.”

Mother-of-two Kelly Shaw from Essex similarly suspects that her family has been exposed to tainted eggs. She told Seleb Spy:

“Me and the kids had boiled eggs the other day and they tasted a bit funny. My husband thinks it was because they were a week past their ‘best before’ date, but I’m convinced that it was because Lady Gaga and her poofter dancers had had their filthy gay hands all over them.

“And another thing – she might try to tell my kids that it doesn’t matter if they grow up to be a pair of queers, and that they should still love themselves no matter what.

“But they know that I’ll beat the living shit out of them if I catch them so much as humming a song from Wicked.”

Lady Gaga ranked seventh on Forbes List of people who would be powerful if they were men

11 Oct
Lady Gaga Kermit

The face of female power

LADY GAGA has been ranked seventh on the 2010 Forbes list of people who would be powerful if they were men.

The 2010 World’s 100 Most Powerful Women list ranks the omnipresent singer ahead of Queen Elizabeth II, at 41, and Speaker of the United States House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi, at 11. First Lady Michelle Obama was considered by Forbes to be the world’s most powerful woman.

Explaining the prominent placing of Lady Gaga, Forbes cites her speech at a recent rally calling for the repeal of the US military’s Don’t ask, don’t tell policy, which prohibits gays and lesbians from serving openly, and her releasing of an online video urging her fans to contact their Senators in an effort to get the policy overturned. The bid to overturn the policy failed.

Paul Milner from Forbes said: “This really shows what being a powerful woman is all about – arguing passionately for something, and then having a group of actually powerful men decide against it.

“Women are coming out of the kitchen and being influential and powerful, before going back into the kitchen to get the dinner ready,” he added.

Female groups have hailed the Forbes list as “empowering”. Sally Graham from the Women’s Rights Organisation said: “A friend emailed me the new Forbes list but I couldn’t work out how to log into my email account. Do I just type ’email’ into Google? I do wish there was a man here who could show me how to use this confusing computer.”

Deborah Clarkson, professor of gender studies at the University of Central London said: “The new Forbes list is further evidence that women are just as capable as men of influencing the world around us for the better.”

“Apart from that one week per month when we go a bit mental.”

Commenting on the ranking of US First Lady Michelle Obama as the most influential woman in the world, she added: “This really shows that we women have broken the gender stereotypes of the past and that we can be highly influential members of society without having to derive our power from a man.

“Hang on a minute.”

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