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WikiLeaks releases confidential X Factor memos

1 Dec
cheryl Cole wikileaks

Leaks reveal that Cheryl Cole has reported Konnie Huq and One Direction's Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.

Whistle-blowing website WikiLeaks published details of hundreds of highly sensitive messages, today, sent between staff on ITV’s hit show the X Factor.

The emails, texts, and voicemail messages sent between high-ranking members of the X Factor team – including the show’s judges – were leaked by an anonymous source at ITV and have been distributed by the WikiLeaks website to several publications, including Seleb Spy.

According to entertainment analysts the leak is a huge embarrassment for ITV and the revelations will seriously damage the show’s credibility.

Mark Busby, entertainment editor of the Financial Times said: “The X Factor is regarded as the cultural zenith of the modern era, a programme that centuries from now schoolchildren will study, as they do Shakespeare now.

“But after reading these leaked messages the show looks like a load of fabricated bollocks with an outcome that Simon Cowell has predetermined while rolling around on a bed of money laughing at the Great British fuckwits who swallow his shit week after week.”

Seleb Spy can exclusively reveal the following details from the leaked memos:

  • 2006’s Now 65 is Cheryl Cole’s favourite album of all time.
  • Simon Cowell doesn’t know the names of any of this year’s contestants and is prompted by producers through his earpiece. Off screen he refers to them as: boyband, little skank, thick scouse, fat Irish, and lazy decorator.
  • The winner of the X Factor each year is selected in early September by a secret cabal of Mossad agents, Simon Cowell and Sinitta.
  • Louis Walsh always travels with an athletic 19 year-old Hungarian boy called Zsolt whom he claims is his ‘personal trainer’.
  • Cheryl Cole does not like Xtra Factor presenter Konnie Huq, whom she refers to as ‘Konnie Tikka Masala’, because her surname is spelt with a Q that is not followed by a U and she finds that ‘unnatural’.
  • Cheryl Cole has a catchphrase writer for the show on a salary of £110,000 pa. Among his work is ‘You’re right up my street’ and ‘You’re my cup of tea with two sugars.’
  • Cheryl Cole has twice reported Konnie Huq and One Direction’s Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.
  • Dannii Minogue is planning to have Matt Cardle sing her 1994 hit This is It, complete with dance routine, in the X Factor final.
  • Mary Byrne suffers from severe thrush – an X Factor crew member is quoted as saying: “Her minge is yeastier than a baker’s apron.”
  • Cher Lloyd weighs 6 stone, 2 stone of which is hair.

ITV were quick to condemn the disclosure of its confidential internal communications, branding it “a despicable act comparable to genocide.”

X Factor supremo Simon Cowell meanwhile denied the validity of the leaked memos altogether. He said: “Look, I categorically deny that any of the information from these supposed leaked messages contain even potentially an ounce of truth and they’ve actually just been written by a sad homosexual for his shitty website that no one reads.

“Apart from the bit about Cheryl Cole being a racist. That’s true.

“Now if you excuse me, I’m late for my appointment with Katie Waissel’s grandmother.”

Exclusive Reader’s Offer: Mary Byrne’s Debut Album

21 Nov


Mary Byrne X Factor 2010

SELEB SPY is proud to exclusively bring you the long-awaited debut album of rotund X Factor contestant Mary Byrne, With Added Gravy.

A magical collection of the nation’s best-loved classics, and some trendy new songs from the hit parade, With Added Gravy is a must have album for music lovers of all ages.

Mary Byrne is the popstar for the recession generation and has a truly unforgettable voice crafted from years of alcohol and tobacco abuse.

She belts out the high notes, she belts out the low notes, and she belts out the notes that should never be belted out.

With Added Gravy tracklist:

1. Diamonds are Forever (Shirley Bassey)
2. It´s a Man´s World (James Brown)
3. My Neck, My Back (Khia)
4. Could it Be Magic (Barry Manilow)
5. Gotta Tell You (Samantha Mumba)
6. Danny Boy

And the exclusive new song:

7. Transfer your Clubcard Points to my Heart

Critics are literally queuing – Tesco style – to heap praise on Mary Byrne´s With Added Gravy. And if the queue is too long Mary will open another check-out.

Or suggest they use the self-service check-out.

Rolling Stone
“The best bingo wings in pop”

Cheryl Cole
“This album is right up my street!”

Simon Cowell
“Mary’s debut album is potentially the best thing I’ve heard all morning. Having said that, I did just hear my dog fart and that did sound better than Mary.

“And smelt better too.”

This future classic LP is available on 12″, Cassette and state-of-the art Compact Disc exclusively from http://www.SeleSpy.com

All major credit / debit cards, cash, cheque, child trust fund vouchers, luncheon vouchers, gold fillings accepted.

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