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Colonel Gaddafi hires Cheryl Cole’s PR company to improve his image

25 Feb

Colonel Gadaffi, Libya, Kerry Katona, Cheryl Cole, Seleb Spy 2011, Selebspy.com

EMBATTLED Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi has enlisted the PR company of British singer Cheryl Cole to improve his tarnished reputation as his regime’s grip on power weakens.

The 68-year-old has ruled the North African country with an iron fist for 42 years following a coup in 1969, however the huge protests of the last fortnight have seen all but the capital fall into the hands of opposition forces.

Seleb Spy has now learnt that Gaddafi has hired SuperDynamic, the PR company that transformed Cheryl Cole from a violent, racist chav with questionable vocal abilities into a national treasure and pop superstar with questionable vocal abilities.

Andrew Clark, entertainment editor of the Financial Times, said that SuperDynamic was widely regarded as one of the best PR companies in the world, capable of turning around the careers of even the most loathed figures.

“I mean, just a few years ago who would have imagined that Alan and Maxine Carr’s Celebrity Chinwag would become the most watched show on British television?” he added.

Earlier this week Colonel Gaddafi sought to ingratiate himself with Libya’s youth by making a bizarre Lady Gaga-inspired television appearance from the back of a car, holding an umbrella and wearing a hat with ear-flaps.

He said: “The protesters are rats! All my Little Monsters, you are so beautiful, you should grab any heavy object you can find and go out onto the streets and smash those fucking protesters’ heads in until their limp bodies are twitching on the ground.

“Paws up!”

SuperDynamic founder and PR guru Sally Anderson told Seleb Spy: “Colonel Gaddafi – or Colonel G Man as he would now prefer to be known – knows that he has made some mistakes.

“Like the Lockerbie bombing and ordering the army to launch air attacks on his own country’s civilian population.

“But who hasn’t done that? He’s only human after all, we all make mistakes sometimes.”

It is expected that the eccentric despot will make a series of high-profile public appearances at events around the world in the coming days, including the Oscars, and also do several magazine features.

Rumours are also circulating that Gaddafi is set to pip Cheryl Cole to the post and take one of the coveted seats on the American X Factor judging panel this autumn.

Anderson said: “Colonel G Man would be ideal for the US X Factor role. He would bring constructive criticism, the wisdom of age and botoxed glamour to the table. He’s like Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Dannii Minogue all rolled into one.

“Also, Colonel G Man is a Bedouin – a nomadic people who traditionally live in tents. So we’re going to try to get him on the next series of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding as well.”

SuperDynamic were not concerned about signing up such a controversial figure and were delighted that the troubled leader chose to approach them, she said.

“Colonel Gaddafi may be a tyrannical dictator who has been accused of killing and torturing thousands, and of having amassed a huge multi-billion dollar fortune while the majority of his country lived in abject poverty.

“But he has never been accused of racially abusing a nightclub toilet attendant just because she wouldn’t give him a Chupa Chup.”

The company has nevertheless been heavily criticised for associating with Gaddafi, whom the international community are threatening to charge with war crimes for his bloody crack-down on the Libyan protests, and his dreadful dress sense.

British prime minister David Cameron said this morning: “I think it is appalling that SuperDynamic PR would choose to work with such a morally bankrupt and despicable person, who has caused such unimaginable suffering.

“I mean, did you see that poor toilet attendant’s black eye?”

Jack Straw: Young white girls ‘easy meat’ for TV talent show producers

12 Jan
Cher Lloyd, X Factor 2010, Seleb Spy 2011

Cry me a river - Jack Straw has accused Simon Cowell of exploiting young white girls like Cher Lloyd (above).

FORMER home secretary Jack Straw has sparked outrage by saying that producers of television talent shows see white girls as easy meat for exploitation.

The Blackburn MP was speaking after vulnerable X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd had a mental breakdown and threw her own excrement at the audience at a recent performance in Hull, following months of mental abuse at the hands of Simon Cowell.

He said there was a “specific problem” where middle-aged, high waist-banded men who run TV talent shows “target vulnerable white girls” to make bucket loads of cash for themselves.

He said: “Because they’re vulnerable they ply them with compliments and say they are ‘relevant’ and ‘current’ and ‘right up my street’, they give them nice clothes, and introduce them to shoddy American rappers, and then of course they’re trapped.

“The next thing these girls know, they are being degraded in the most unspeakable ways.

“Like having their vocal abilities judged by Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue on prime time TV on a weekly basis.”

But Ralph Marcus of the Television Producers Union said it was not a problem specific to the industry and it was wrong to stereotype a whole profession.

He said: “I would go as far as to say that exploitation of young women is not a problem in television in general.

“Rather the opposite, it acts as a means for girls to empower themselves.

“For example, the new programme I am currently producing for BBC 3, Teen Mum Island, which sees ten young single mothers going back to basics on an uninhabited Pacific island, spending the whole time in bikinis, with the sun reflecting off their silky smooth skin as they cavort around on the beach splashing each other with water, is very empowering.

“Did I mention that it’s hosted by Fearne Cotton?”

ITV, which produces the X Factor, rejected the politician’s claims, branding them “ridiculous”.

A spokesperson said: “We exploit all young people equally, regardless of gender, race, and sexual orientation.

Meanwhile Straw’s remarks were welcomed, today, by the British National Party, outspoken critics of the mainstream media.

BNP spokesperson Mohammed Saddiq told Seleb Spy: “Mr Straw has simply repeated what we have been saying for years: These television producers come over here and take our jobs and exploit our daughters.

“They should go back to where they came from.

“Or something.”

Simon Cowell, who was singled out by Straw for criticism, dismissed the accusations as “rubbish, potentially”.

He said: “I absolutely do not exploit young white girls.

“Do you like my new car, by the way? It has zero carbon emissions.

“It’s powered by Katie Waissel’s tears.”

Simon Cowell took advice on vote rigging from Russian Government

7 Dec
Vladimir Putin, Cher Lloyd, X Factor 2010 Seleb Spy

Some of the suggestions the Russians came up with to sway the results were deemed to be too extreme.

SIMON Cowell sought advice from the Russian government on vote rigging, according to the latest batch of leaked memos from whistle-blowing website Wikileaks.

The X Factor supremo is reported to have contacted officials at Russia’s Central Electoral Commission for advice on how to rig a vote in the most blatantly obvious way.

The allegations come following the elimination of morbidly obese X Factor contestant Mary Byrne at the hands of the show’s judging panel, despite viewers previously being told by host Dermot O’Leary that the result would be decided purely by public vote.

Irate viewers complained that the sing-off and judges’ vote were introduced at the last-minute to save recovering crystal meth addict Cher Lloyd from being axed.

Sergey Semenov from the Central Electoral Commission confirmed that he had been approached by individuals from ITV for consultancy on electoral fraud, as the Russians are world-leaders in the field.

He said: “We suggested several techniques ITV could use in the context of a reality television show to manipulate the results in a way that is blatantly obvious to viewers, but not quite blatant enough to result in censure from media regulators.

“We don’t have media regulators in Russia. In post-Soviet Russia, media regulates you.”

The alleged manipulations on the X Factor include: ensuring that Cowell’s favoured contestants dominate media coverage, are given the coveted end slot in the performance running order, and are given the best song choices even if they don’t conform to the week’s theme.

And are also allowed to mime to pre-recorded backing vocals through most of their performances while the rest of the contestants have to sing live.

However, some of the Russians’ suggestions – such as incarcerating opponents on trumped-up charges, or eliminating them – were deemed by Cowell to be too extreme, even by his standards.

“We told Cowell where he can get some polonium at an excellent price.” Semenov added.

The leaked communications include a series of emails sent between Simon Cowell and the X Factor production team.

In an email sent in August, Cowell writes: “Secretly manipulating the results as we have in previous series is potentially just not enough anymore.

“This year I want to make our utter contempt for the viewers at home crystal clear.”

The emails also reveal that after the roaring success of this year’s manipulations, Cowell is already in talks with ITV and the Russians on how they can develop the blatant result rigging in the coming series.

“I’m thinking next year Dermot will have an envelope with the results of the public vote, and instead of reading it out, will rip it up and throw the pieces in the air,” Cowell writes.

“And then I will personally eliminate a contestant of my choice by pulling a giant lever that releases a trap door beneath their feet.

“Then we will show a VT of me exchanging bags of the viewers’ phone vote cash for an obscene amount of cocaine that I then proceed to snort off the bare arse of Katie Waissel’s prostitute grandmother.

“Just so they can see where their money really goes.”

There are also allegations abound that viewers have been intimidated into voting for certain contestants.

74 year-old retired schoolteacher Miriam Salter from Surrey said: “I received a telephone call on Saturday night from a very abusive young lady shouting: ‘Oi bitch, you better vote for Cher Lloyd tonight, yeh, or I’ll set your fucking house on fire.’

“I’m not very good at placing accents, but it sounded like the voice of a 17 year-old girl native to the Malvern area, if I’m not mistaken.”

WikiLeaks releases confidential X Factor memos

1 Dec
cheryl Cole wikileaks

Leaks reveal that Cheryl Cole has reported Konnie Huq and One Direction's Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.

Whistle-blowing website WikiLeaks published details of hundreds of highly sensitive messages, today, sent between staff on ITV’s hit show the X Factor.

The emails, texts, and voicemail messages sent between high-ranking members of the X Factor team – including the show’s judges – were leaked by an anonymous source at ITV and have been distributed by the WikiLeaks website to several publications, including Seleb Spy.

According to entertainment analysts the leak is a huge embarrassment for ITV and the revelations will seriously damage the show’s credibility.

Mark Busby, entertainment editor of the Financial Times said: “The X Factor is regarded as the cultural zenith of the modern era, a programme that centuries from now schoolchildren will study, as they do Shakespeare now.

“But after reading these leaked messages the show looks like a load of fabricated bollocks with an outcome that Simon Cowell has predetermined while rolling around on a bed of money laughing at the Great British fuckwits who swallow his shit week after week.”

Seleb Spy can exclusively reveal the following details from the leaked memos:

  • 2006’s Now 65 is Cheryl Cole’s favourite album of all time.
  • Simon Cowell doesn’t know the names of any of this year’s contestants and is prompted by producers through his earpiece. Off screen he refers to them as: boyband, little skank, thick scouse, fat Irish, and lazy decorator.
  • The winner of the X Factor each year is selected in early September by a secret cabal of Mossad agents, Simon Cowell and Sinitta.
  • Louis Walsh always travels with an athletic 19 year-old Hungarian boy called Zsolt whom he claims is his ‘personal trainer’.
  • Cheryl Cole does not like Xtra Factor presenter Konnie Huq, whom she refers to as ‘Konnie Tikka Masala’, because her surname is spelt with a Q that is not followed by a U and she finds that ‘unnatural’.
  • Cheryl Cole has a catchphrase writer for the show on a salary of £110,000 pa. Among his work is ‘You’re right up my street’ and ‘You’re my cup of tea with two sugars.’
  • Cheryl Cole has twice reported Konnie Huq and One Direction’s Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.
  • Dannii Minogue is planning to have Matt Cardle sing her 1994 hit This is It, complete with dance routine, in the X Factor final.
  • Mary Byrne suffers from severe thrush – an X Factor crew member is quoted as saying: “Her minge is yeastier than a baker’s apron.”
  • Cher Lloyd weighs 6 stone, 2 stone of which is hair.

ITV were quick to condemn the disclosure of its confidential internal communications, branding it “a despicable act comparable to genocide.”

X Factor supremo Simon Cowell meanwhile denied the validity of the leaked memos altogether. He said: “Look, I categorically deny that any of the information from these supposed leaked messages contain even potentially an ounce of truth and they’ve actually just been written by a sad homosexual for his shitty website that no one reads.

“Apart from the bit about Cheryl Cole being a racist. That’s true.

“Now if you excuse me, I’m late for my appointment with Katie Waissel’s grandmother.”

Louis Walsh forced to dress as leprechaun as punishment for casual racism

10 Nov

Louis Walsh X FactorLOUIS WALSH will be forced to wear a leprechaun outfit for the duration of this Saturday’s X Factor live show as punishment for his ongoing casually racist comments to contestants.

The show’s producers have previously warned the 58 year-old judge about his inappropriate comments comparing black contestants to random black artists just because they are black and the same gender, such as: “You remind me of a young Tina Turner” to any black female contestant or “you remind me of a young James Brown” to any black male contestant.

Walsh’s questionable comments have not only been aimed at black contestants, however. During last year’s series, following a performance by Jewish contestant Stacey Solomon he said: “I really like you.

“You’re like a British Anne Frank.”

On Saturday, viewers were left shocked and bewildered by the Irishman’s comparison of 19 year-old Paije Richardson to “a little Lenny Henry”, prompting producers to finally censure Walsh for his casual racism.

Kat_luvs_ya_89 on the Daily News forums wrote: “OMG, wots Louis on saying Paije is like a little Lenny Henry??? Just cos they are both black doesnt mean they look alike. So racist! [sic]

“Everyone knows Paije looks like Kenan from Kenan & Kel, anyway.

“LOLZ”

Producers have now decided that the only way Walsh will understand why his comments are inappropriate is to give him a taste of his own medicine and force him to wear a leprechaun outfit for the duration on this Saturday’s show.

Once all the contestants have performed, Walsh, who everyone will call Paddy, will also be forced to go on stage and perform Riverdance while swigging from a bottle of Guinness, as members of the audience pelt him with potatoes.

X Factor boss Simon Cowell welcomed the decision, saying: “There is no place for casual racism on the X Factor.

“Apart from when I called Leona Lewis  a ‘dark horse’

“That was potentially hilarious.”

Katie Waissel threatens dirty protest live on air if public don’t vote for her

9 Nov
Katie Waissel

Katie Waissel on Sunday's results show.

X FACTOR contestant Katie Waissel has threatened to stage a dirty protest live on air if she is in the bottom two during next Sunday’s results show.

Last Sunday, an emotional Waissel was one of the two contestants who received the fewest public votes – her third time in the series – pushing the already fragile singer closer to the edge of a wonderfully theatrical mental breakdown.

During her ‘survival’ performance of Solomon Burke’s Don’t Give up on Me, having forgotten the words to a couple of lines of the song, the 24 year-old singer said “You know what, sod it!” and sat down on the stage cross-legged like a sulking child.

However in scenes that prompted furious fans to flood the Internet with complaints, it was call centre worker Treyk Cohen who the judges chose to send home, after mentor Cheryl Cole declined to vote, saying: “Ahm not fookin votin for either of me lasses. Ahm not sendin neither of them home, man.”

Host Dermot O’Leary prompted Cole to choose a contestant but she further dug her Jimmy Choo heels in, snapping back: “Then let these two bastards vote first and ah’ll take it to fookin deadlock, man!”

Seleb Spy has learnt from sources inside the X Factor house that Waissel is now so angry with the public for not allowing her to fulfil her destiny to become a star, that she has threatened to stage a dirty protest live on air if she is the bottom two again next Sunday – defecating on the stage and smearing her excrement on the judges’ desk while singing Milkshake by Kelis.

X Factor supremo Simon Cowell refused to confirm whether there was any truth behind the rumour, saying only: “Seeing Katie shit on stage would potentially be the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.

“But having said that, it’d be no less disgusting than seeing Mary’s bingo wings flapping about every week.”

Paul the psychic octopus dies while being subjected to X Factor performances

27 Oct
Paul the psychic Octopus

Paul the psychic octopus moments before his death

Paul the psychic Octopus has died while being forced to watch the X Factor finalists’ performances from last Saturday’s live show, Seleb Spy can exclusively reveal.

The tentacled sage gained worldwide fame after he predicted the winners of all of Germany’s World Cup matches, and then the victors in the final, by selecting one of two boxes containing the competing team’s flags.

Stefan Porwoll, the manager of the Oberhausen Sea Life Centre in Germany confirmed that the psychic cephalopod had been filming a segment for ITV2’s the Xtra Factor in which he would be played all of last Saturday’s live performances and then would predict the winner by choosing one of  twelve boxes each containing the picture of one of the X Factor contestants.

However relatively early on during the gruelling two-hour show the octopus’s keepers noticed the animal was acting erratically, in a way they had never seen before.

One of Paul’s keepers told Seleb Spy: “Paul started showing signs of distress during Belle Amie, he sprayed his ink during One Direction, defecated during Cher Lloyd, and by the time Katie Waissel had finished he was already floating at the top of his tank.”

Simon Cowell offered his condolences to Oberhausen Sea Life Centre, saying: “My thoughts are potentially with the staff at the Sea Life Centre during this difficult time. Having said that, the octopus’s death was of course in no way related to the X Factor performances.

“Wouldn’t ‘Octopus’ be a great name for a slutty eight-piece girlband on the X Factor? That’s an idea for next year.”

Paul’s body has been purchased by a local Spanish restaurant to be used in paella.

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