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27 year-old Madame Tussauds waxwork unveils replica of itself

22 Oct
Cheryl Cole Waxwork

Cheryl Cole waxwork (left) with Cheryl Cole waxwork (right)

MADAME TUSSAUDS waxwork Cheryl Cole came face to face with its new replica today and said that it didn’t look lifeless enough.

The original wax figure, made in the image of an 18th century Turkish gypsy queen for an historical display at the London tourist attraction in 1983, has gained nationwide fame since being brought to life by evil sorceress Geri Halliwel in 2002 using an elixir of stottie cake dough, fog on the Tyne, and Newcastle Brown Ale. The animated waxwork went on to sing in girl band Girls Aloud and is currently a judge on ITV’s X Factor.

Madame Tussauds insist the new waxwork will only be used as a backup in case the original is damaged beyond repair, such as by being melted by intense heat, being split in two by a particularly large penis, or by being attacked by wax-eating bacteria.

Stephen Mansfield, a sculptor at Madame Tussauds said: “The entire collection of the Stockholm Vaxfigur Museum was recently destroyed by an outbreak of wax eating bacteria.”

He also said the new waxwork was of  a superior quality than the original Cole: “The materials we use nowadays are far superior to those we used in the eighties. Back in those days all the wax contained large quantities of asbestos and dried goat dung to get the right consistency.”

“We guarantee that this new model is made of 100% non-racist materials – there’s no chance of it calling any of our black visitors a jigaboo.”

The fibreglass and wax figure, wearing a leather jacket, green dress and crystal studded heels, posed next to the new model at the London tourist attraction. It said: “It’s weird. I cannae even explain it, I don’t see meself like that. It’s not the best likeness. It looks too human, it’s not 100% dead behind the eyes.”

“It’s not right up my street.”

The figure, which cost £150,000 to make, will go on show in the new X Factor area of the attraction which also contains the actual corpse of Sharon Osbourne.

10 fans randomly selected from the Internet were also present at the unveiling. Student Luke Black, 18, of West London, said: “The model’s brilliant – almost as good as the real thing.

“I touched its fanny.”

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Louis Walsh: “I love Belle Amie”

13 Oct

Louis Walsh seen leaving the Mayfair Hotel with a friend who is also a fan of Belle Amie.

X FACTOR judge Louis Walsh is obsessed with Belle Amie, Seleb Spy can exclusively reveal.

The 58 year-old Irishman is said to spend hours every day watching videos of the X Factor girl band Belle Amie on the Internet, according to sources at ITV.

One production assistant on the X Factor said: “Just the other day filming was due to begin and all the other judges were on set, except for Louis. He eventually showed up and when I asked why he was late he said he’d been watching Belle Amie online.

“He was slightly red in the face and sweaty.”

Fellow X Factor judge Dannii Minogue revealed: “I asked Louis after Saturday’s show what he thought about Belle Amie and he said he thought they were ‘really sexy’ , ‘right up his street’ and ‘Prague’s finest’. Not really sure what he meant by that – Their performance was a bit shit really.”

Speaking exclusively to Seleb Spy, Louis said: “I really do love Belle Amie, I watch their videos every day online.”

However when asked whether he thought Belle Amie would be the next big British girl band he became confused and only responded: “….Girl band?”

Close friend and former X Factor judge Sharon Osbourne said: “A few nights ago I sent Lou Lou a text asking him if he was free to meet for dinner. He replied saying he couldn’t make it because he was going to have a night in watching Belle Amie videos.

“Although he spelt their name slightly differently.”

Lady Gaga ranked seventh on Forbes List of people who would be powerful if they were men

11 Oct
Lady Gaga Kermit

The face of female power

LADY GAGA has been ranked seventh on the 2010 Forbes list of people who would be powerful if they were men.

The 2010 World’s 100 Most Powerful Women list ranks the omnipresent singer ahead of Queen Elizabeth II, at 41, and Speaker of the United States House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi, at 11. First Lady Michelle Obama was considered by Forbes to be the world’s most powerful woman.

Explaining the prominent placing of Lady Gaga, Forbes cites her speech at a recent rally calling for the repeal of the US military’s Don’t ask, don’t tell policy, which prohibits gays and lesbians from serving openly, and her releasing of an online video urging her fans to contact their Senators in an effort to get the policy overturned. The bid to overturn the policy failed.

Paul Milner from Forbes said: “This really shows what being a powerful woman is all about – arguing passionately for something, and then having a group of actually powerful men decide against it.

“Women are coming out of the kitchen and being influential and powerful, before going back into the kitchen to get the dinner ready,” he added.

Female groups have hailed the Forbes list as “empowering”. Sally Graham from the Women’s Rights Organisation said: “A friend emailed me the new Forbes list but I couldn’t work out how to log into my email account. Do I just type ’email’ into Google? I do wish there was a man here who could show me how to use this confusing computer.”

Deborah Clarkson, professor of gender studies at the University of Central London said: “The new Forbes list is further evidence that women are just as capable as men of influencing the world around us for the better.”

“Apart from that one week per month when we go a bit mental.”

Commenting on the ranking of US First Lady Michelle Obama as the most influential woman in the world, she added: “This really shows that we women have broken the gender stereotypes of the past and that we can be highly influential members of society without having to derive our power from a man.

“Hang on a minute.”

Government trying to find way to deport Katie Waissel

7 Oct

 

Katie Waissel X Factor

Katie Waissel's unique Gwen Stefani circa 2004 style

 

THE HOME OFFICE is desperately trying to find the legal grounds to deport Katie Waissel from Britain, SelebSpy has learnt.

Officials are searching for any legal loophole that would allow them to revoke the unbearable X Factor contestant’s British citizenship and deport her from the country.

Britain was shocked on Saturday when X Factor judge and national treasure Cheryl Cole, selected Waissel, 24, as one of her three acts for the live finals. The posh bint from London, who has repeatedly forgotten song lyrics and the fact she already has a record contract, was chosen by Cole along with single mother Rebecca Ferguson and recovering crystal meth addict Cher Lloyd.

The shock axing of popular contestant Gamu Nhengu as a result of her immigration status has given government officials the idea that they could get rid of Waissel in the same manner. The fact that Waissel is a British citizen with British-born parents has not deterred the Home Office from pursuing the case.

A spokesman from the UK Border Agency said: “There are two things that fill the British public with dread: the first is being caught up in a terrorist attack, the second is enduring Katie Waissel wailing away on their TV screens every Saturday night wearing some ridiculous ‘vintage’ clothing she’s bought from the Sue Ryder Care charity shop in Muswell Hill.

A Home Office spokesman said: “We are constantly reviewing immigration policy to ensure that those who pose a threat to our society do not have the right to stay in Britain, and where necessary, are deported to their country of origin. Obviously, in this case Miss Waissel’s country of origin is Britain, which does cause a bit of a problem, but we are exploring all avenues.

“I hear she’s a Jew so we could just say she’s an undercover Mossad agent and deport her to Israel. That would probably work.”

X Factor viewers have inundated Internet forums and social networking sites with angry comments claiming that, although perfect in all other respects, national treasure Cheryl Cole has made a grave mistake in selecting Waissel for the live finals of the show.

Sharon Anderson, a dinner lady from Hull wrote on The Daily News forums: “I normally despise immigrants, especially black ones, but Gamu sings really good and doesn’t look like she’s going to stab me for my mobile phone. Why don’t they deport that awful pointy-chinned Katie Waissel instead? She’s a right knob.”

One other line of enquiry being pursued by the Home Office is imprisoning Waissel under anti-terrorism laws for the duration of the X Factor live finals.

A Home Office spokesman said: “The definition of a ‘terrorist’ is ‘someone who causes terror and panic in others’, and the thought of seeing Katie Waissel sing Fly Me to the Moon during Big Band week on the X Factor fills me with utter terror. Therefore, you could say that Katie Waissel is a terrorist. And therefore should be deported.

“Or executed.”

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