MADAME TUSSAUDS waxwork Cheryl Cole came face to face with its new replica today and said that it didn’t look lifeless enough.
The original wax figure, made in the image of an 18th century Turkish gypsy queen for an historical display at the London tourist attraction in 1983, has gained nationwide fame since being brought to life by evil sorceress Geri Halliwel in 2002 using an elixir of stottie cake dough, fog on the Tyne, and Newcastle Brown Ale. The animated waxwork went on to sing in girl band Girls Aloud and is currently a judge on ITV’s X Factor.
Madame Tussauds insist the new waxwork will only be used as a backup in case the original is damaged beyond repair, such as by being melted by intense heat, being split in two by a particularly large penis, or by being attacked by wax-eating bacteria.
Stephen Mansfield, a sculptor at Madame Tussauds said: “The entire collection of the Stockholm Vaxfigur Museum was recently destroyed by an outbreak of wax eating bacteria.”
He also said the new waxwork was of a superior quality than the original Cole: “The materials we use nowadays are far superior to those we used in the eighties. Back in those days all the wax contained large quantities of asbestos and dried goat dung to get the right consistency.”
“We guarantee that this new model is made of 100% non-racist materials – there’s no chance of it calling any of our black visitors a jigaboo.”
The fibreglass and wax figure, wearing a leather jacket, green dress and crystal studded heels, posed next to the new model at the London tourist attraction. It said: “It’s weird. I cannae even explain it, I don’t see meself like that. It’s not the best likeness. It looks too human, it’s not 100% dead behind the eyes.”
“It’s not right up my street.”
The figure, which cost £150,000 to make, will go on show in the new X Factor area of the attraction which also contains the actual corpse of Sharon Osbourne.
10 fans randomly selected from the Internet were also present at the unveiling. Student Luke Black, 18, of West London, said: “The model’s brilliant – almost as good as the real thing.
“I touched its fanny.”