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Colonel Gaddafi hires Cheryl Cole’s PR company to improve his image

25 Feb

Colonel Gadaffi, Libya, Kerry Katona, Cheryl Cole, Seleb Spy 2011, Selebspy.com

EMBATTLED Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi has enlisted the PR company of British singer Cheryl Cole to improve his tarnished reputation as his regime’s grip on power weakens.

The 68-year-old has ruled the North African country with an iron fist for 42 years following a coup in 1969, however the huge protests of the last fortnight have seen all but the capital fall into the hands of opposition forces.

Seleb Spy has now learnt that Gaddafi has hired SuperDynamic, the PR company that transformed Cheryl Cole from a violent, racist chav with questionable vocal abilities into a national treasure and pop superstar with questionable vocal abilities.

Andrew Clark, entertainment editor of the Financial Times, said that SuperDynamic was widely regarded as one of the best PR companies in the world, capable of turning around the careers of even the most loathed figures.

“I mean, just a few years ago who would have imagined that Alan and Maxine Carr’s Celebrity Chinwag would become the most watched show on British television?” he added.

Earlier this week Colonel Gaddafi sought to ingratiate himself with Libya’s youth by making a bizarre Lady Gaga-inspired television appearance from the back of a car, holding an umbrella and wearing a hat with ear-flaps.

He said: “The protesters are rats! All my Little Monsters, you are so beautiful, you should grab any heavy object you can find and go out onto the streets and smash those fucking protesters’ heads in until their limp bodies are twitching on the ground.

“Paws up!”

SuperDynamic founder and PR guru Sally Anderson told Seleb Spy: “Colonel Gaddafi – or Colonel G Man as he would now prefer to be known – knows that he has made some mistakes.

“Like the Lockerbie bombing and ordering the army to launch air attacks on his own country’s civilian population.

“But who hasn’t done that? He’s only human after all, we all make mistakes sometimes.”

It is expected that the eccentric despot will make a series of high-profile public appearances at events around the world in the coming days, including the Oscars, and also do several magazine features.

Rumours are also circulating that Gaddafi is set to pip Cheryl Cole to the post and take one of the coveted seats on the American X Factor judging panel this autumn.

Anderson said: “Colonel G Man would be ideal for the US X Factor role. He would bring constructive criticism, the wisdom of age and botoxed glamour to the table. He’s like Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Dannii Minogue all rolled into one.

“Also, Colonel G Man is a Bedouin – a nomadic people who traditionally live in tents. So we’re going to try to get him on the next series of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding as well.”

SuperDynamic were not concerned about signing up such a controversial figure and were delighted that the troubled leader chose to approach them, she said.

“Colonel Gaddafi may be a tyrannical dictator who has been accused of killing and torturing thousands, and of having amassed a huge multi-billion dollar fortune while the majority of his country lived in abject poverty.

“But he has never been accused of racially abusing a nightclub toilet attendant just because she wouldn’t give him a Chupa Chup.”

The company has nevertheless been heavily criticised for associating with Gaddafi, whom the international community are threatening to charge with war crimes for his bloody crack-down on the Libyan protests, and his dreadful dress sense.

British prime minister David Cameron said this morning: “I think it is appalling that SuperDynamic PR would choose to work with such a morally bankrupt and despicable person, who has caused such unimaginable suffering.

“I mean, did you see that poor toilet attendant’s black eye?”

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WikiLeaks releases confidential X Factor memos

1 Dec
cheryl Cole wikileaks

Leaks reveal that Cheryl Cole has reported Konnie Huq and One Direction's Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.

Whistle-blowing website WikiLeaks published details of hundreds of highly sensitive messages, today, sent between staff on ITV’s hit show the X Factor.

The emails, texts, and voicemail messages sent between high-ranking members of the X Factor team – including the show’s judges – were leaked by an anonymous source at ITV and have been distributed by the WikiLeaks website to several publications, including Seleb Spy.

According to entertainment analysts the leak is a huge embarrassment for ITV and the revelations will seriously damage the show’s credibility.

Mark Busby, entertainment editor of the Financial Times said: “The X Factor is regarded as the cultural zenith of the modern era, a programme that centuries from now schoolchildren will study, as they do Shakespeare now.

“But after reading these leaked messages the show looks like a load of fabricated bollocks with an outcome that Simon Cowell has predetermined while rolling around on a bed of money laughing at the Great British fuckwits who swallow his shit week after week.”

Seleb Spy can exclusively reveal the following details from the leaked memos:

  • 2006’s Now 65 is Cheryl Cole’s favourite album of all time.
  • Simon Cowell doesn’t know the names of any of this year’s contestants and is prompted by producers through his earpiece. Off screen he refers to them as: boyband, little skank, thick scouse, fat Irish, and lazy decorator.
  • The winner of the X Factor each year is selected in early September by a secret cabal of Mossad agents, Simon Cowell and Sinitta.
  • Louis Walsh always travels with an athletic 19 year-old Hungarian boy called Zsolt whom he claims is his ‘personal trainer’.
  • Cheryl Cole does not like Xtra Factor presenter Konnie Huq, whom she refers to as ‘Konnie Tikka Masala’, because her surname is spelt with a Q that is not followed by a U and she finds that ‘unnatural’.
  • Cheryl Cole has a catchphrase writer for the show on a salary of £110,000 pa. Among his work is ‘You’re right up my street’ and ‘You’re my cup of tea with two sugars.’
  • Cheryl Cole has twice reported Konnie Huq and One Direction’s Zain Malik to the national anti-terrorism helpline.
  • Dannii Minogue is planning to have Matt Cardle sing her 1994 hit This is It, complete with dance routine, in the X Factor final.
  • Mary Byrne suffers from severe thrush – an X Factor crew member is quoted as saying: “Her minge is yeastier than a baker’s apron.”
  • Cher Lloyd weighs 6 stone, 2 stone of which is hair.

ITV were quick to condemn the disclosure of its confidential internal communications, branding it “a despicable act comparable to genocide.”

X Factor supremo Simon Cowell meanwhile denied the validity of the leaked memos altogether. He said: “Look, I categorically deny that any of the information from these supposed leaked messages contain even potentially an ounce of truth and they’ve actually just been written by a sad homosexual for his shitty website that no one reads.

“Apart from the bit about Cheryl Cole being a racist. That’s true.

“Now if you excuse me, I’m late for my appointment with Katie Waissel’s grandmother.”

Louis Walsh forced to dress as leprechaun as punishment for casual racism

10 Nov

Louis Walsh X FactorLOUIS WALSH will be forced to wear a leprechaun outfit for the duration of this Saturday’s X Factor live show as punishment for his ongoing casually racist comments to contestants.

The show’s producers have previously warned the 58 year-old judge about his inappropriate comments comparing black contestants to random black artists just because they are black and the same gender, such as: “You remind me of a young Tina Turner” to any black female contestant or “you remind me of a young James Brown” to any black male contestant.

Walsh’s questionable comments have not only been aimed at black contestants, however. During last year’s series, following a performance by Jewish contestant Stacey Solomon he said: “I really like you.

“You’re like a British Anne Frank.”

On Saturday, viewers were left shocked and bewildered by the Irishman’s comparison of 19 year-old Paije Richardson to “a little Lenny Henry”, prompting producers to finally censure Walsh for his casual racism.

Kat_luvs_ya_89 on the Daily News forums wrote: “OMG, wots Louis on saying Paije is like a little Lenny Henry??? Just cos they are both black doesnt mean they look alike. So racist! [sic]

“Everyone knows Paije looks like Kenan from Kenan & Kel, anyway.

“LOLZ”

Producers have now decided that the only way Walsh will understand why his comments are inappropriate is to give him a taste of his own medicine and force him to wear a leprechaun outfit for the duration on this Saturday’s show.

Once all the contestants have performed, Walsh, who everyone will call Paddy, will also be forced to go on stage and perform Riverdance while swigging from a bottle of Guinness, as members of the audience pelt him with potatoes.

X Factor boss Simon Cowell welcomed the decision, saying: “There is no place for casual racism on the X Factor.

“Apart from when I called Leona Lewis  a ‘dark horse’

“That was potentially hilarious.”

Louis Walsh: “I love Belle Amie”

13 Oct

Louis Walsh seen leaving the Mayfair Hotel with a friend who is also a fan of Belle Amie.

X FACTOR judge Louis Walsh is obsessed with Belle Amie, Seleb Spy can exclusively reveal.

The 58 year-old Irishman is said to spend hours every day watching videos of the X Factor girl band Belle Amie on the Internet, according to sources at ITV.

One production assistant on the X Factor said: “Just the other day filming was due to begin and all the other judges were on set, except for Louis. He eventually showed up and when I asked why he was late he said he’d been watching Belle Amie online.

“He was slightly red in the face and sweaty.”

Fellow X Factor judge Dannii Minogue revealed: “I asked Louis after Saturday’s show what he thought about Belle Amie and he said he thought they were ‘really sexy’ , ‘right up his street’ and ‘Prague’s finest’. Not really sure what he meant by that – Their performance was a bit shit really.”

Speaking exclusively to Seleb Spy, Louis said: “I really do love Belle Amie, I watch their videos every day online.”

However when asked whether he thought Belle Amie would be the next big British girl band he became confused and only responded: “….Girl band?”

Close friend and former X Factor judge Sharon Osbourne said: “A few nights ago I sent Lou Lou a text asking him if he was free to meet for dinner. He replied saying he couldn’t make it because he was going to have a night in watching Belle Amie videos.

“Although he spelt their name slightly differently.”

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